Thursday, 19 June 2014

Our Up Adventure Book

"What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger"
 
That’s the cliche, isn’t it?
(as immortalised by Kelly Clarkson and then brilliantly ripped off by the awesome Frisky and Mannish).

 
So yup, if you hadn't already guessed, second round of IVF treatment – an “excellent response” according to the doctors – but still no second little line, still not pregnant, still no baby.
 
I guess that makes me even stronger than before, right?

 
 In reality though...
Do I feel like a failure sometimes? Of course.
Are we going to give up? I don’t effing think so! Not just yet anyway.

 (in case anyone wondered about adoption, it is something we’ve talked about (and might still do) and I thoroughly admire anyone who’s taken that road. It’s a difficult decision, there’s a helluva lot of investigations, problems, red tape and paperwork involved quite apart from the things you have to come to terms with personally – I just don’t think me or Andrew are ready to take that path yet).

 
 
Our second round of treatment left us with one positive thing though – in our little sanctuary of a fertility clinic, we have a teensy tiny microscopic little embryo that’s been cryogenically preserved at -196°C. Once you’ve had one embryo transferred back into you, if there’s any leftover that are absolutely tip-top quality, the clinic will freeze them so you can use them at a later date. The procedure for a ‘frozen embryo transfer’ is a lot less hassle, still with medication (but no needles, yay!) and about £4000 cheaper than a complete cycle starting from scratch.

So we’ve decided to give that route a go after the summer – we can both have a bit of a break, we’ve got a lot of things on over the next few months and I expect my hormones are probably shot to pieces after all the drugs anyway.

 
Of course, there’s always a chance that won’t work either and at some point you have to face reality. That takes some getting used to, the idea that you might be elderly and sat round the dinner table at Christmas just staring at each other. We haven’t got (or have any chance of) any nieces or nephews so it really would be just the two of us. Even if we went down the adoption route, there’s no guarantee we’d be approved or even have a child matched to us so a life without any little feet is something we may well have to think about.


 
You know the Disney film Up? (Of course you do, you’re all bloggers or blog-readers). We can’t watch the first 30 minutes without shedding a tear and there’s been many a time I’ve felt like Ellie in that scene with the doctor at the hospital. The one thing they do have though, is their 'Adventure Book' with all the wild and wonderful things they’d like to do.
 
We thought we’d put together something similar. I have a notebook I’ve been hoarding since the age of 15, just waiting to do something magical with and if we were going to let our imagination run wild, there’s a load of things we could include.
 
Up Adventure List

 
I need to sit down and take some time to cut and paste and colour in all our ideas but we’ve made a start gathering some things from magazines, leaflets and various places.

Our Up Adventure Book Ideas

 
Maybe I won’t even need to finish it.


It’s just a silly harmless idea really - but it kinda helps.
 

20 comments:

  1. I am still gutted for you both, but fingers crossed that your little icy embryo is super-sticky and inclined to hang around for nine months!!

    Your book of adventures is an awesome idea! I love the idea of driving Route 66 in a gas-guzzling muscle car (you might prefer an old Caddy convertible). Mind you, I hate the idea of driving on the wrong side of the road, so I'd be the sexy passenger :P Also, New Zealand and hobbits! If you go, take many, many pictures of Bag End. I love that house so much.

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    1. Thank you Angela, hopefully the frozen one will be good :-)
      The Route 66 idea is Andrew's, as well as all the old lorries and engines he also has a penchant for 1950's America cars! :-) xxx

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  2. Oooh Louisa I'm so bummed for you and Andrew it didn't work second time around :( The adventure book is a great idea, with or without little feet in the future (but ofcourse I'm serisouly hoping for 'with little feet').

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    1. Aww thanks Saskia, maybe one day we'll have to re-write our adventure book to include family friendly ideas! :-) xxx

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  3. I love your adventure book idea. Can I just say ( and you have probably heard this before) that i do know someone who tried IVF, then had a break, then it happened naturally...so you never know. I also know people who have adopted and although hard....has made them happier than thwy ever thought possible. :)

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    1. Thanks Sharon, we're taking a bit of a break til the autumn at the mo so who knows! ;-) xxx

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  4. I know 2 couples who got babies after 5 or 6 IVF treatments…and I know a couple who has adopted a child from other country… Now they're all happy.
    I keep my fingers crossed for you.
    And btw, I love your blog! Greetings from Slovenia. :-)

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  5. Oh, I'm sorry. I can tell you stories of people who had successful IVF and stories of people who built brilliant, adventurous, alternative lives after deciding that X amount of tries was enough; I don't know which would be more helpful right now but you two seem really strong together and I have no doubt that you're going to keep bringing each other happiness, either way.

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    1. Thank you Sarah, that is a lovely thing to say - we try and stay positive and support each other, it's a little bit like "what's the alternative?" - you have to stay smiling through it all because there isn't any other option! :-) xxx

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  6. Oh, I'm so sorry to hear this. Two of my closest friends conceived on their fourth - and final - round of IVF so I know how difficult it can be. But the book of adventures sounds like a wonderful idea, I might nick it (the idea, not the actual book!)

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    1. Thank you Janet, the whole IVF process really is a game of odds each time so who knows what'll happen next time around. And feel free to nick the adventure book idea! :-) xxx

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  7. I'm sorry to hear you 2nd cycle didn't work but it's always great having a little frostie in the freezer and I hope your FET is finally the cycle that gives you a BFP and happy & healthy 9 months and wonderful life with a child. I know this heartache far too well and how hard & awful it can be.
    I love the idea of your adventure book, I've often thought about doing something similar especially as it's looking more & more likely we'll have to face a future without that much wanted child in our lives

    Belle x Part of Belle's world

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    1. Thank you so much Belle, I'm keeping all my bits crossed for you as well - hoping that you manage to find happiness one way or another xxx

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  8. So sorry that round 2 didn't work. I know how utterly devastating that is. What I will say is that adoption utterly rocks and that yes the red tape, intrusive questions and Social Workers are a right royal pain in the arse. But a bit like the way my friends describe forgetting the pain of childbirth you forget all that because it is totally worth it.
    So worth it that we're doing it all over again!

    In the meantime enjoy your adventure planning - can I come with you on route 66???

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    1. Haha, yep there probably will be room for one in the back on Route 66!
      We might well go down the adoption road in the future - we've got all the information but it all seems utterly daunting at the moment. It is probably something we will think about properly in the future when we feel ready for it. :-) xxx

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  9. I'm sorry to hear that round 2 didn't work for you, when I stumbled across your blog I was looking to see if you had posted your result but couldn't find anything at the time. I've heard UP is quite emotional for that part and that's why I won't watch it. Your list sounds like a fantastic idea, especially Christmas in New York. It is hard to focus on enjoying what you already have when going through IVF as that takes up all your thoughts, time, etc so it's good to plan some enjoyment as life is for living :). Wishing you loads of luck for round 3 when it happens.

    As for your comment on my blog, I am indeed on MSE :)!! I did wonder about you too as it was the comment about your father in law being ill that made me think but I couldn't think who it was. When you mentioned it I did wonder if you were who I thought you were as we were both IVF-ing in Feb and you had recently went through another. I was right, you are who I thought you were!?! :). I haven't been on there much but have been lurking every now and then to see what's happening. How strange that I came across your blog even though we have been chatting on a Forum for months. I can't even remember how I came across it, it was either by googling something vintage or it was through another blog. Whichever way it was I'm glad I found it :)

    Take care xx

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    1. Thank you Denise, you're right that is a co-incidence how you stumbled across this little space on the t'interweb! It's lovely to follow my February cycle buddy in the blog world as well :-) I've got all my bits crossed for your third cycle as well! :-) xxx

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  10. I'm so so sorry that round two didn't work Louisa, as ever your candidness is beautiful. I get the impression that whatever happens, you and Andrew will be able to dust yourselves off and make the absolute best of life, adventure book is a great place to start with that.
    M xxxxx

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    1. Thank you Michelle, we'll try and keep smiling! All you can do in life is just keep going :-) xxx

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Thank you very much for all your lovely comments; I do have every intention of replying but sometimes life with a baby gets in the way...

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